her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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