I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
