My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
