I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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