wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
