I wish my penis had an off switch
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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