Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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