She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
