I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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