I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
