i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
