I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
