can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
