At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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