i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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