I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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