Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
