just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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