so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
