soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
