forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't turn off my feet"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
