Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
