i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize