very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
