I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
