dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Let's paint friendship bongs
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
