I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
