I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
this hospital has no fireball
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
