dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
