Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
