How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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