sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
