I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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