do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
