I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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