Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
