Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
