Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will be naked everywhere
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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