He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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