True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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