dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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