I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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