I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
