Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
