a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
