Non-Jews are for practice
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
