well I can't set my house on fire every night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
