Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
