Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
