I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
