She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
