just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
