just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize