she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Let's paint friendship bongs
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
