i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
