Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize