new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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