drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
