ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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