Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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